How Love Happens - Chapter 39

 

At the airport, Haifa clutched her mother's hand tightly when they arrived at the entrance. It was time to leave and only the elders, along with her mother, had come to see her off. It marked the second time she was boarding a flight, and the atmosphere was just as somber, if not more so, than the last.

Her mother had repeatedly offered to accompany her, asking if she should come along. Haifa had refused every time. She knew her mother always wanted to stay in Vavathi, and now that she was there, Haifa felt too guilty to take her away just to keep her company. She reassured her numerous times that she would be fine and promised to call her every day.

The day before, Haifa anxiously waited for Saira to return home from work. Three large suitcases were packed with her clothes and essentials, though she chose to leave behind cherished belongings, like her beloved chair. Haifa felt compelled to leave some things behind. Her mother assured her that her room would always be preserved for her.

Haifa had sat outside their home, nervously checking the outer gate for any sign of Saira. She couldn't bear the thought of not seeing her and making things right before leaving. She also knew the confrontation might get ugly, so she had braced herself mentally. The moment she saw Saira walk in, she jumped out of her joali.

"Hi," she greeted with anxiety. Saira had been her closest confidante, assisting her every step of the way. Haifa desperately needed Saira to understand her decision.

Saira's pace didn't waver, and without a word or even a glance in Haifa's direction, she continued toward the entrance.

"Wait, please. I'm leaving tomorrow. Can you just listen to me for a moment?" Haifa pleaded.

Saira halted but did not turn.

"I'm sorry. I should have told you. At first, I wasn't sure we would become close. Then, when we did, I was too scared that you might get angry with me," Haifa confessed.

Saira turned, her voice accusatory. "Scared? That's your excuse?"

"Yes, it wasn't a great one, but it was for me."

"And what was all that drama with Zishan? Was it just a fling for you?" Saira asked, her anger evident.

Haifa jerked as if slapped. "No, of course not."

"You came here with no intention to stay, but we loved you like one of us. You spent all your days here scheming to return, using us to your advantage. I thought we were sisters. All through that, you never thought to mention we were just temporary for you?" Saira asked vehemently.

Haifa felt her face burn. "I didn't... I was..." she stammered.

Saira cut her off, "The day you tried to create problems with Aunt Naseema, that was part of your plan too, wasn't it? So that your mom and her family would argue, and she would leave Vavathi?" She shook her head. "I didn't know you could stoop so low. I mean, that was your mother you were throwing under the bus!"

Tears threatened, and Haifa bowed her head in shame. Everything she had felt remorseful about, every twinge of guilt for her actions, was now articulated right to her face. It stung much worse coming from someone she considered a close friend. But Saira was right, and Haifa was guilty of every accusation being thrown at her.

"I'm glad you're leaving Vavathi because I can't even look at you anymore," Saira spat before walking away, leaving Haifa frozen in place.

"Are you sure you'll be safe traveling alone?" her mother's concerned voice drew her back to the present. "I should have taken a ticket to accompany you back."

"I'll be fine, mamma," she reassured, "I should go check in."

Once again, Haifa hugged her mother tightly, listening to the repeated advice on staying cautious. With a final wave, she entered the almost empty departure area. Strangely, she didn't feel scared or even excited. After all, she was finally on her way to achieving her biggest dream. The past weeks had taken a toll, leaving a part of her almost numb to feeling anything. Her eyes cried dry, and her heart bled vacant.

***

Upon returning to Male', Haifa took a taxi to the address the company had provided. The night was falling, and she gazed out of the window as the vehicle navigated through the bustling streets. After about ten minutes, they reached the building, and the driver kindly unloaded her suitcases at the entrance. Greeted by the building staff, he guided her to her apartment and handed her the key card.

The apartment wasn't pristine, showing signs of wear and tear with faded wall paintings and chipped furniture. Despite its imperfections, it was clean and functional, and that was all that mattered to her. Haifa stood in the empty and somewhat daunting space. I've made the bed; I might as well sleep in it, she thought grimly.

"So, the world's perfect man proposed to you, and you left him to live here?" Aish asked as her critical gaze swept across her living quarters.

It was the next day, and Haifa had invited Aish over for pizza. Aish had held her reservations when Haifa had called her weeks ago from Vavathi to share the news of the job offer and the inevitable breakup. She had not said anything when Haifa told her about the proposal, nor had she commented when she explained how Saira had lashed out. Now, she knew she was just biding her time to talk face-to-face.

"This is home," Haifa replied simply.

"Home is where we want it to be," Aish said skeptically. "Tell me the real reason," she insisted.

Haifa fiddled with her paper plate. "I wanted the job," she admitted.

Aish continued to stare at her.

"Look, I don't expect you to understand it right away. I've dreamt about being a great photographer for so long," Haifa explained. "And when the opportunity came, I had to choose. I love him. I really wished there was another way."

"He wasn't enough?" Aish questioned.

Haifa looked away. In all her years of friendship with Aish, she had never seen such a look on her friend's face. Aish had been her rock, her pillar, supporting every decision she made with no questions asked. But today she was asking, and her tone reflected the same disgust she wore on her face. Haifa never thought Aish would be one to judge her choices; she believed Aish would have her back. But obviously, she had been wrong.

She suspected Saira's anger had influenced Aish's negative feelings. She was aware of their friendship since Aish had visited her, and evidently, Saira was very vocal about her disapproval. Haifa wasn't angry that Aish was taking Saira's side; in fact, she appreciated their strong friendship.

"It's not about that. I wanted a career. I can't change my life goals with every man I fall in love with. What does that say about me?" Haifa asked. "What happens if it doesn't work out? I'd be back to square one, with no goals in life. Would I let go of an opportunity because I stayed back for him?"

Aish regarded her with a strange expression. "I think you got scared of how good it was and got scared because you thought he might let you go at some point."

Haifa looked down. "Things in life are never absolute, but we cannot change for everyone we meet," she said. "He did not change his career or life for me, did he? It's so simple to assume that women should always change everything when they meet their love of life. Is it too much for men to ask the same thing?"

Aish cocked her head. "Did you ask him to?"

"I did. He said it was his home and his life. His work was important."

"Oh."
She could sense the icy coldness around Aish beginning to melt. Haifa hoped Aish would understand once she actually explained herself. She desperately needed someone on her side. Feeling so lonely and rejected, it seemed like the weight of the world was pushing her down. She wished at least she would have Aish to lean on.

"I have no inhibitions that he chose his life and his goals rather than changing it for me, but shouldn't I be allowed the same?" she asked. "I am only guilty for not telling him up front what I wanted. I made the decision to deceive him, and I regret that. He was a good man, and he deserved someone who didn't break his heart like I did."

"Why didn't you tell him?" Aish asked.

Haifa shrugged. "I went with the plan to deceive mamma to come back, remember? Nobody was supposed to know what my real plan was. Then things changed when mamma said she was onto me. So I changed the plan, and it was too late to tell others at that point," she sighed deeply. "I know I was wrong, but by then, I was already in love with him. I knew he wouldn't start anything with me if I was set to leave. More importantly, I was scared he would try to change my mind."

Aish’s demeanor changed instantaneously, her judgmental gaze disappeared and her expression morphed into despair.

"I'm sorry, Ifa. I didn't mean to judge you. I was so happy for you since he was such a dream. Maybe part jealous for not finding the same kind of love for myself. I just thought you were throwing away the best thing that happened to you," she said, holding onto her hand. "Please forgive me. I had no right to judge you. It's your life and your choices. You don't even need to explain all that for me to understand. I feel like a bad friend."

"It's okay. I'm still trying to forgive myself too," she replied. "We are so quick to judge when a woman chooses a path not exactly laid out by society. Growing up, we are told so much about what we can become, and our hopes are so high. But at the end of the day, we are still judged if we choose something other than married life."

"Here you are, heartbroken and alone, and I am only adding to your problems instead of being supportive." She said remorsefully.

"You being here is supportive enough," she said, squeezing her hand.

Haifa longingly looked down at the ring on her hand.

"You miss him a lot, huh?"

"More than I can say," she smiled faintly. "He was truly the most amazing man. He taught me what love is, he showed me how a man loves a woman. Most importantly, he upped my standards of what I want in a man, while everyone else had made me strip them down."

"If things changed and you had a chance to go back to him, would you?" Aish asked softly.

"In a heartbeat."

Aish turned her head thoughtfully, "Maybe if you tried once again to explain to him, maybe he would understand. You guys can go for a long-distance relationship or something?" she asked hopefully.

Haifa stood up, leaving her plate on the small coffee table. " We would be hurting much more, hoping for something that can never work out in the long run," she said softly, hugging herself. "Besides, he would never take me back. He has a thing about dating his exes."

"I wish you guys could work this out, I really do," Aish said.

"I wish that too."

They didn't speak for some time. Haifa dumped her piece into the garbage and watched the thoughtful expression on Aish's face. She knew Aish was considering every angle to get them back together, and the thought made her wary. She had done the same for weeks and had come up empty.

"So, when do you start?" Aish finally asked.

Haifa grimaced. "Next Sunday," she replied. It was her dream job; she wished she could sound a bit happy to talk about it. 

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